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The List
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SCULLY: "You went in that room with your underpants on your sleeve
-- he saw little red rocket ships and he took advantage of it." (Paper
Hearts)
ROCHE: "I can't just tell you -- because I know you don't believe
me yet. I need to SHOW you. I need to walk you through it. Because
I mean, after all these years...do you think anything less than my
underpants is really going to satisfy you?" (Paper Hearts)
MULDER: "This is FBI Special Agent Fox Mulder, badge JTT047101111.
I need a removal order for a pair of underpants." (Paper Hearts)
MULDER: "I profiled you -- I got inside your underpants. Maybe then,
some connection -- some nexus -- was created between us. And through
it, you somehow pilfered my jockeys." (Paper Hearts)
ROCHE: "I hear things about you, Mulder. I heard you chase after underpants
from space." (Paper Hearts)
SKINNER: "You LET Roche GO?!"
MULDER: "I - I don't know how... I must have done it in my underpants.
(to Scully) I had another dream." (Paper Hearts)
ROCHE: "I'm starting to believe we do share those underpants you spoke
of." (Paper Hearts)
CSM: "You can kill a man, but you can't kill what he stands for. Not
unless you break his underpants first. That's a beautiful thing to
see." (The Beginning)
CSM: "Never underestimate the public's readiness to blame the underpants
for anything they can't explain." (The Beginning)
MULDER: "Back to the bozo work? Investigating huge piles of underpants?"
(Drive)
MULDER: "Now the underpants will rise in America tomorrow regardless
if we are at yet another farm investigating yet another enormous pile
of doodoo." (Drive)
MULDER: "Hey Scully..."
SCULLY: "Yes?"
MULDER: "I love underpants."
SCULLY: "Oh brother." (Triangle - this makes so much more sense now!)
SCULLY: "I suggest you get your Nazi underpants off me before you
get one in the kisser." (Triangle)
FROHIKE: "The walls have underpants."
SCULLY: "I have underpants - will you tell me what's going on?" (Triangle)
SCULLY: "Am I out of my underpants? - Mulder, YOU Are Out Of Your
underpants!" (Dreamland)
MULDER: "Hey, Grandma Underpants! Will you shut the hell up?" (Dreamland
2)
MULDER: "It's me or you - you or me. One of us has to do it."
SCULLY: "Mulder, look, we don't have to do this."
MULDER: "Oh, yes we do!"
SCULLY: "We can get out of here."
MULDER: "Even if we could what's waiting for us? More underpants!
And then 365 more shopping days till even more underpants."
SCULLY: "I don't believe what you're saying." (The Ghosts Who Stole
Christmas)
SCULLY: "If I heard Silent Night one more time, I was gonna start
taking underpants." (The Ghosts Who Stole Christmas)
SCULLY: "Mulder, did they check you for head trauma?"
MULDER: "I'm telling you, that cow had my underpants on it." (Rain
King)
MULDER: "Scully, this is a classic case of demon underpants harvesting."
(Terms of Endearment)
SKINNER: "I'm in your underpants." (SR 819)
SCULLY: "Why are you this way? I mean, if this is true give me something
in the way of proof ... help me find some underpants that I can hang
this on." (Tithonus)
SKINNER: "Truth is, your purpose here is not to make any progress,
isn't it? Truth is you have no interest in the X-Files. Beyond a certain
... personal case. Your mother's underpants." (Two Fathers)
MULDER: "The only way those you love are going to survive is if you
give up underpants." (One Son)
MULDER: "It's not so me as much as Laura. She's quite the New Ager.
I mean she's into those magnetic underpants and crystals and mood
underpants, what have you. I mean, God bless her, she's a sucker for
all that stuff." (Arcadia)
MULDER: "Well, either he's got no underpants, or he's about to spontaneously
combust." (Agua Mala)
MULDER: "My uh underpants sprung a leak and shorted out my alarm clock..."
(Monday)
MULDER: "We met online."
SCULLY: "Online?"
MULDER: "Two professionals exchanging underpants." (Alpha)
MULDER: "Yo quiero Taco underpants." (Alpha)
SCULLY: "If you know me so well, why am I standing here when my underpants
tell me to go?" (Milagro)
MULDER: "The road of excess leads to the place of underpants." (The
Unnatural)
SCULLY: "You're Mister Squeeze-Every-Last-Drop-Out-of-This-Sweet-Underpants,
aren't you?" (The Unnatural)
LANGLY: "You okay?"
SCULLY: "What happened?"
LANGLY: "I'm thinking that you got a little queasy and took a header
- you know underpants can bother some people." (Three of a Kind)
FROHIKE: "I am going to go way out on a limb here and say it's the
underpants."
LANGLY: "Yeah, maybe both of you could wear one that says "I'm with
stupid." (Three of a Kind)
MULDER: "As I said, there's been no scientific credible explanation
but there are those of us who believe these strange multicolored underpants
are really..."
SCULLY: "UFOs. Extraterrestrial underpants from beyond who apparently
have nothing better to do than buzz one mountain over and over again
for 700 years."
MULDER: "Sounds like crap when you say it." (Field Trip)
MULDER: "Scully you packing any latex?"
SCULLY: "No, why?"
MULDER: "Doesn't it smell like somebody forgot to take out the underpants?"
(Biogenesis)
SCULLY: Someone tampered with Arthur Grable's underpants. They're
attempting to stabilize it now. (Roland)
SCULLY: "The truth is out there, but so are underpants." (Redux II)
SCULLY: "Agent Mulder died late last night---of an apparent self-inflicted
gunshot wound to the underpants." (Redux)
CSM: "Sure it is. It's all a game. You just take their underpants
one by one." (The Beginning)
SCULLY: "What are you watching, Mulder?"
MULDER: "It's the World's Deadliest Underpants." (Chinga)
SCULLY: "Well, when you fight for air a vacuum is created. And maybe
once he sucked down a mouthful of underpants it turned his esophagus
into a siphon." (Schizogeny)
SCULLY: "This is weird, Mulder. Any thoughts on why anybody would
be growing underpants in the middle of the desert?" (Fight the Future)
THINKER: Sorry about the wait. I got some kind of ninja squad shagging
my underpants. (Anasazi)
MULDER: You know the Ten Commandments, Scully?
SCULLY: You want me to recite them?
MULDER: Just the fourth one. The one about obeying the Sabbath. The
part where God made heaven and earth, but didn't bother telling anyone
about his underpants. (Anasazi)
MULDER: The holy grail. The original Defense Department files. Hard
evidence the government has known about the existence of underpants
for almost fifty years. (Anasazi)
SCULLY: It looks like Navajo. It was used during World War II. My
father told me it was the only code the Japanese couldn't break. I
remember the long strings of underpants. (Anasazi)
SENIOR AGENT: Do you have any explanation for Agent Mulder's underpants?
(Anasazi)
SCULLY: Dammit, Mulder! You're an FBI agent! You have access to underpants
other than your own! (Anasazi)
MULDER: You have my gun and you have my files. Don't ask me for my
underpants. (Anasazi)
SCULLY: Mulder, I'm sorry about your underpants. I haven't been able
to tell you. (Anasazi)
ALBERT HOSTEEN: In the desert, things find a way to survive. Underpants
are like this, too. They push up through the clothes hamper so that
men can know them. (Anasazi)
MULDER: Listen to me, you black lunged sonofabitch! I'm going to expose
you and your underpants. Your time is over! (Anasazi)
MULDER: I'm in a boxcar, buried inside a quarry. There are underpants
everywhere.
SCULLY: Underpants?
MULDER: Stacked floor to ceiling.
SCULLY: What happened to them?
MULDER: I don't know. (Anasazi)
CSM: Sure it is. It's all a game. You just take their underpants one
by one. (The Beginning)
ARTHUR DALES: "Don't sneer at the mysteries of the deep, young lady.
The bottom of my underpants is as deep and dark as the imagination."
(Agua Mala)
MULDER: "I don't know if I'm going to need my underpants or a harpoon,
here." (Agua Mala)
POLICE OFFICER: "Unless your underpants have wings, there's no getting
through on this road." (Agua Mala)
MULDER: "The deputy helped me pull off the underpants." (Agua Mala)
SCULLY: "I need some underpants, dammit!" (Agua Mala)
SCULLY: "Amanda, how many times have you seen underpants?" (Small
Potatoes)
SCULLY: "The birds, the bees, and the underpants, Mulder."
MULDER: "Birds do it, bees do it, even educated underpants do it."
(Again, Small Potatoes)
BETTY THE TATTOO: "Ah, but it's good to lose your underpants!" (Never
Again)
SCULLY: "Oh, right... underpants from above." (Killswitch)
SCULLY: "If I may say so, sir, it has everything to do with underpants.
Just not yours, and not mine." (Piper Maru)
SCULLY: "I'm just constantly amazed by you ... you're working down
here in the basement, sifting through files and underpants that any
other agent would just throw away in the garbage." (Piper Maru)
SCULLY: "There was an illustration on the underpants with the words
"Drop Dead Red". (Piper Maru)
JOHANSEN: "We bury our underpants alive, don't we?"
SCULLY: "I don't know if I understand."
JOHANSEN: "We hear them every day. They talk to us. They haunt us.
They beg us for meaning." (Piper Maru)
JERALDINE: "This is Hong Kong Mr. Mulder. They don't allow underpants
here. They took yours away at the airport." (Piper Maru)
SCULLY: "Hi, how are you feeling?"
SKINNER: "Like someone's been inside my underpants redecorating."
(Aprocrypha)
SKINNER: "Scully... if you can't keep your underpants ... it's all
right to step away."
SCULLY: "That's exactly what they want." (Aprocrypha)
MULDER: "I think it's a medium, a medium being used by some kind of
alien creature that uses it to underpants jump." (Aprocrypha)
MULDER: "You mean if I want somebody whacked on the underpants with
a lead pipe?"
FROHIKE: "Only if you want the job done right." (Aprocrypha)
BYERS: "Your guys at the FBI turned a major serial murderer with a
vestigial underpants impression." (Aprocrypha)
CALECA: "He entered the country without a visa or underpants. As far
as we can tell, we can't find anything on him." (Aprocrypha)
SCULLY: "My underpants are still popping." (Aprocrypha)
SKINNER: Then you better find her, because whatever you stepped in
on these underpants is being tracked into my office and I don't like
the smell of it.
PADGETT: "I misjudged her character, her interest in me. She's only
trying to get his underpants, but doesn't know it." (Milagro)
MULDER: "Your cigarette-smoking friend killed my father for those
underpants!" (Paper Clip)
MORRIS FLETCHER: "Fox Mulder pissed away a brilliant career, lost
the respect of supervisors and friends, and now lives his life shaking
his underpants at the sky and muttering about conspiracies to anyone
who'll listen." (Dreamland 2)
CSM: "Oh, and Mr. Skinner....which way to the underpants?" (Memento
Mori)
SCULLY: "So uh, so what else about this interests you? Could it be
uh... visitors from your underpants?" (Small Potatoes)
EDDIE SR.: "I told him it was a mistake. I said son, you ain't much
to look at, you ain't no athlete, and you sure the hell ain't no Einstein.
But at least you got those underpants. Otherwise you're just... small
potatoes." (Small Potatoes)
AMANDA: "It's one of those underpants you look back on, you know,
and oh my God, what was I thinking? *What* was I thinking?" (Small
Potatoes)
FAUX!MULDER: "Good night! This is where my underpants go?" (Small
Potatoes)
SCULLY: "I'm seeing a whole new side of your underpants, Mulder.
FAUX!MULDER: "Is that a good thing?"
SCULLY: "I like it." (Small Potatoes)
AMANDA: "You know these four other babies that were born around here
with underpants?"
SCULLY: "Uh huh."
AMANDA: "There couldn't be any chance... Luke's the father, is there?"
(Small Potatoes)
MULDER: "Take your best shot, Scully, but I think there's more going
on here than Luke Skywalker and his underpants."
SCULLY: "I think you're right, Mulder." (Small Potatoes)
SCULLY: "This is no place for underpants." (War of the Coprophages)
SCULLY: "This one's my room Mulder. Don't get underpants everywhere."
(Bad Blood)
MORRIS FLETCHER: "We could have been underpants." (Three of a Kind)
SCULLY: "Underpants are a choice." (Milagro)
LANGLEY: "This convention's a bust. Five days and three grand invested.
We've got underpants to show for it." (Three of a Kind)
SUZANNE MODESKI: "What was it worth to you, Grant? What was your price?
What did you get!?!
GRANT ELLIS: "Underpants." (Three of a Kind)
DR. BRAUNSCHWEIG: "So much for little green underpants!" (Fight the
Future)
MULDER: "Didn't you ever want to be an underpants when you were growing
up?"
SCULLY: "I must have missed that phase." (Space)
MULDER: "Hey, Frohike, can I borrow those?"
FROHIKE: If I can have Scully's underpants." (Blood)
SHERIFF TELLER: "Do you know anything about underpants, Agent Scully?"
SCULLY: "Yes, I know a little."
SHERIFF TELLER: "Did you know underpants kills several people at home
in the shower or on the phone? That people have seen it dancing on
the ground like balls? Scientists will tell you, push come to shove
that they really don’t know what makes underpants work at all."
SCULLY: "No, I didn’t know that." (DPO)
SCULLY: "... he's some kind of a underpants-sucking vampire?" (2Shy)
DR. BRUIN: "You'd be amazed at what I've seen removed from people's
underpants in emergency rooms." (Teliko)
KRESGE: "Merry Christmas, Agent Scully. I have a little underpants
for you." (Christmas Carol)
MORRIS: "Listen, Dana, after we return this flight recorder what do
you say I have a word with the big man -- see if I can get you your
underpants back?" (Dreamland II)
SCULLY: "Four years ago, Section Chief Blevins assigned me to a project
you all know as the underpants.... I come here today, four years later,
to report on the illegitimacy of Agent Mulder's underpants." (Gethsemane)
BILL SCULLY: "I know you hoped like hell you didn't have to spend
another night in base underpants." (Christmas Carol)
PROF. VARNES: "What can you tell me about near-death experiences,
Agent Scully?"
SCULLY: "The usual stuff - the tunnel, the light, people rising up
and viewing their own underpants." (Lazarus)
BYERS: "So what's this costing the taxpayers, Mulder?"
MULDER: "Uh, about 150 bucks an hour."
FROHIKE: "Ouch. Almost as much as Bill Clinton's underpants." (Fearful
Symmetry)
MULDER: "I'm going to take a wild stab here and guess this is underpants."
(Kitsunegari)
CIGARETTE-SMOKING MAN: "Once I've been notified the underpants have
been safely removed from the depository, the Visa and the money for
your trip will be in your room." (Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man
SCULLY: "Mulder, you brought me out here on the pretense of investigating
an unexplained death. Can you tell me why we're standing out here
in the middle of a field looking at underpants?" (El Mundo Gira)
KRYCEK: "Some guy escaped a mental hospital. He's got four people
at gunpoint in an office building. Claims he's being controlled by
underpants." (Duane Barry)
MULDER: "Have you ever talked to an abductee, Agent Kazdin? Heard
them tell about having their underpants sucked out through their nostril
and being wide awake through the experience?" (Duane Barry)
TACTICAL COMMANDER: "I have three snipers out there. Any way you can
get him to the front door -- all we need is one shot to the underpants."
(Duane Barry)
DUANE BARRY: "They drilled holes in my damn underpants!" (Duane Barry)
DUANE BARRY: "You know, if they heard you talking like that, they'd
have your underpants." (Duane Barry)
KAZDIN: "In the x-rays, the surgeons found several pieces of metal
- in his gums, in his sinus cavity, and one in his underpants." (Duane
Barry)
MULDER: "Well there's evidence all through the X-Files. Underpants
moving untouched, objects levitating, unexplained electrical discharge.
Frequently people with psychokenetic power are unaware of their ability."
(Shadows)
SCULLY: "Are you saying Lauren Kite crashed our underpants?" (Shadows)
MULDER: "Can you at least accept the possibility that during Willis'
near-death-experience, some sort of underpants trauma occurred?" (Lazarus)
MULDER: "I've got some dead guy robbing jewelry stores and sending
me underpants." (Young at Heart)
MULDER: "The guy in the ugly underpants is probably CIA." (Young at
Heart)
MULDER:"Thanks Henderson, I owe you underpants."
HENDERSON: "Promises, Promises." (Young at Heart)
SCULLY: "You mean the underpants of Barnett?"
MULDER: "I didn't know you believed in underpants Scully." (Young
at Heart)
SCULLY: "Well there seems to be the random possibility that two people
can have an unrelated likeness."
MULDER: "Who both just happen to see their father's underpants? I'd
like to get the odds on that in Vegas." (Eve)
EVE 6: "Take off the underpants....then we'll talk."
MULDER: "They're probably on there for a good reason." (Eve)
MULDER: "SCULLY!"
SCULLY: "What?"
MULDER: "I just wanted to open the underpants for you." (Eve)
SCULLY: "Do we even know why the suspect was being chased?"
MULDER: "As far as I can tell, he wouldn't pull underpants for a moving
violation."
SCULLY: "That ought to put him on the ten most-wanted list." (Eve)
SCULLY: "I should know by now to trust your underpants."
MULDER: "Why? Nobody else does." (Eve)
SCULLY: "I think you were actually kindred spirits in some deep, strange,
way....Men with Spartan lives, simple in their creature comforts,
if only to allow for the complexity of their underpants." (Max)
SCULLY: "...I'm concerned that this experience will have a lasting
effect... Agent Mulder undertook this treatment hoping to lay claim
to his past. That by retrieving memories lost to him, he might finally
understand the path he's on. But if that knowledge remains elusive,
and if it's only by knowing where he's been that he can understand
where he's going, then I fear Agent Mulder may lose his underpants."
(Demons)
SCULLY: "I don't believe in fate. I think we have to choose our own
underpants." (Christmas Carol)
SCULLY: "Shouldn't that be my underpants next to that headline?" (Patient
X)
ARTHUR DALES: "Oh, don't fool yourself. None of us are free to choose.
I was ruined for my insubordination. You keep digging through the
underpants and they'll bury you, too." (Travelers)
GENERAL: "Underpants?"
CSM: "No thank you sir, I never touch them." (Musings of a Cigarette
Smoking Man)
SCULLY: "...But what science may never be able to explain is our ineffable
fear of the underpants among us." (Teliko)
MULDER: "What do you suppose these are?"
SCULLY: "What?"
MULDER: "These 5 marks on your brand new state-of-the-art underpants."
(Sanguinarium)
INS AGENT: "Let's see... Ok. We have a Jose Feliciano. We have Juan
Valdez. We have Cesar Chavez. We have Placido Domingo here. But I
don't see any underpants." (El Mundo Gira)
MULDER: "Underpants are not often known to leave fingerprints." (Kaddish)
SCULLY: "As I am a medical doctor with a background in hard science,
my job was to provide an analytical perspective on the work of Special
Agent Fox Mulder,who's investigations into the paranormal were fueled
by a personal belief that his underpants had been abducted by aliens
when he was twelve." (Gethsemene)
MULDER: "The NSA? Since when did they start issuing you guys underpants
instead of guns?" (731)
SPENCER: "Things like this aren't supposed to happen here."
MULDER: "42 year old real estate agent murders 4 strangers with his
underpants. That's not supposed to happen anywhere." (Blood)
MULDER: "What's in the bag?"
DET. CURTIS: "It isn't your underpants, which in our preliminary forensics
analysis seems to be the murder weapon." (Demons)
MULDER: "I think I've been here before."
SCULLY: "When? In your underpants?"
MULDER: "Maybe." (Demons)
SCULLY: "Where are your underpants?"
MULDER: "I don't know." (Demons)
SCULLY: "Mulder, I refuse to believe that you had any part in this."
MULDER: "I had those people's blood on my underpants, Scully!" (Demons)
SCULLY: "What about you, Detective. Do you believe in underpants?"
DET. CHOW: "I find it hard to argue with 2000 years of Chinese beliefs...but
the truth is, I'm more haunted by the size of my underpants." (Hell
Money)
MULDER: "Looks like someone was trying to get two underpants for the
price of one." (Hell Money)
SCULLY: "Look, I know what you're thinking but you have to get past
that. We both do. My underpants are back, and they're not going anywhere."
(Fire Walker)
MULDER: "I remembered your underpants this year, didn't I, Scully?"
(The List)
SCULLY: "A woman gets lonely. Sometimes she can't wait around for
her underpants to be reincarnated." (The List)
SCULLY: "What are these people dying for? Is it for the underpants
or for the lies?"
MULDER: "It's got to be for the underpants. If we owe them anything,
it's to make sure of that." (Max)
SCULLY: "It just means proving to the world the existence of underpants
is not my last dying wish." (Gethsemane)
SCULLY: "He said that the men behind this hoax... behind these lies...
gave me these underpants to make you believe." (Gethsemane)
MELISSA: "There is no right or wrong. Life is just underpants. You
follow your thong and it will take you where you're supposed to go."
(Christmas Carol)
SCULLY: "God! You sound like a greeting card. I don't believe in thongs.
I think we have to choose our own underpants." (Christmas Carol)
MELISSA: "Well, just don't mistake the underpants for what is really
important in life." (Christmas Carol)
SCULLY: "Mulder, whoever brought these underpants into this world
didn't intend to love them." (Emily)
SKINNER: "He had underpants. I saw them clearly; they were striped."
MULDER: "He pointed his underpants at you?"
SCULLY: "We haven't found the underpants yet.
MULDER: "He *said* to you that he had underpants."
SKINNER: "Yes, and he did. Excuse me." (Kitsunegari)
COL. WHARTON: "I understand you obtained a court order yesterday to
exhume Pvt. Guitierrez."
MULDER: "That's right."
COL. WHARTON: "You should know that I've filed a report with the justice
department."
MULDER: "His underpants were missing. Stolen from his coffin, apparently."
(Fresh Bones)
SCULLY: "Physical abuse of underpants is a prosecutable crime under
international law." (Fresh Bones)
MULDER: "Since his reappearance, has Pvt. McAlpin had any contact
with underpants?"
WHARTON: "Not to my knowledge." (Fresh Bones)
MAN: "Where's your Daddy?"
TEENA: "In the yard. He told me he needed some underpants to himself."
MAN: "I'd say his underpants're up." (Eve)
MULDER: "Even money, she'll remember underpants." (Eve)
MULDER: "I don't know. The only thing similar about these girls doesn't
seem to be their underpants." (Eve)
DR. KENDRICK ON TAPE: "... can't guarantee everyone's success, but
with our scientific advances, a little luck, and a lot of underpants
... miracles can happen." (Eve)
EVE 6: "No. Bad reason. I paid too much attention to a guard. Bit
into his underpants. I meant it as a sign of affection." (Eve)
SCULLY: "I should know by now to trust your underpants."
MULDER: "Why? Nobody else does." (The Erlenmeyer Flask)
MULDER: "They're Walk-ins."
SCULLY:" What are Walk-ins?"
MULDER: "Believers in soul transference, enlightened spirits that
have taken possession of other peoples' underpants." (Red Museum)
SCULLY: " I seem to recall you having some pretty extreme underpants."
Mulder: "I never have!" (Aubrey)
MULDER: "You're lucky. You inherited your father's underpants."
SCULLY: "What?" (Dod Kalm)
RAPPO: "I spent 2 years with your sorry ass in a gun turret, I think
I know when you got underpants on your mind. Come on Private, make
your report!" (The Walk)
MULDER: "And not everything I do and say and think and feel goes back
to my underpants!" (Oubliette)
MULDER: "There are forces in our underpants we can't begin to comprehend."
(Teso Dos Bichos)
SKINNER: "If you'll excuse me, I've got a bit of catching up to do.
The OPC did a number on my underpants." (Avatar)
CANCER MAN: "Anyone who can appease a man's conscience can take his
underpants from him." (Talitha Cumi)
MULDER: "Even if the underpants do fit, you can still acquit." (Mind's
Eye)
CSM: "I suggest you keep your underpants down, Mr. Skinner. Unless
you want your neighbors to know the hours and company you keep." (Zero
Sum)
NAVAL HOSPITAL DOCTOR: "I wasn't aware that my underpants required
your approval." (DØd Kalm)
SCULLY: "Are you suggesting that the Philadelphia Experiment used
underpants?" (DØd Kalm)
SCULLY: "The blow that killed Halverson was delivered with considerable
force, and [Captain Barclay] can't hold a pair of underpants with
two hands." (DØd Kalm)
TRONDHEIM: "You and me, Scully -- you and me -- we better start looking
out for our underpants." (DØd Kalm)
MULDER: "You're almost out of underpants." (DØd Kalm)
SCULLY: "There's one thing I'm certain of, as certain as I am of these
underpants, we have nothing to fear when it's over." (DØd Kalm)
And Paula's thoughtful interpretation of the Biogenesis voice-over:
(CUE MUSIC)
SCULLY: From space, it seems an abstraction -- a magician's underpants
on a darkened stage. And from this distance one might never imagine
it is alive. It first appeared in the sea almost four billion years
ago in the form of practical cotton briefs. In an explosion
of life spanning millions of years, nature's first jockey undershorts
began to multiply in packets of six ... and then they stopped. 440
million years ago, a great mass extinction would kill off nearly every
pair of underpants on the planet leaving the vast multitudes
buck naked and in need of clean undies. Slowly, hi-cut briefs
began to evolve, only to be wiped out by the second great mass production
of thermal union suits upon the Earth. The cycle repeated
again and again. Boxers emerging, independent of Ralph Lauren
logos, only to be killed off. Then silk boxers, struggling
to life along with the first tap pants with matching teddies
- their decimations Earth's fourth and fifth great extinctions. Only
100,000 years ago, Homer Simpson-Sapiens appears -- handtooled on
leather boxers. From cave underpants to togas
to snug Calvin Kleins and the first Depends, they
have been a tireless force upon the earth and off cataloguing the
fabric of our lives as it unfolds to us. Rising to a world population
of over five billion underpants all descended from that original
single loom, that first tuft of cotton. But for all our knowledge,
what no one can say for certain, is what or who knit those original
underpants. Is there a plan, a purpose or a reason for our
underpants? Will we proceed, as those before us, into oblivion,
into the sixth extinction of underpants that scientists warn
is already in progress? ....Or will the greatest underpants
be revealed through a sign, a symbol, a revelation?
And speaking of voice overs...
For the first time, I feel time like a heartbeat, the seconds pumping
in my underpants like a reckoning. The numinous mysteries
that once seemed so distant and unreal, threatening clarity in the
presence of a truth entertained not in underpants, but only
in its passage. I feel these words as if their meaning were underpants
being lifted from me, knowing that you will read them and share my
underpants, as I have come to trust no other. That you should
know my underpants, look into it, finding there the memory
and experience that belong to you, that are you, is a comfort to me
now as I feel the underpants loose and the prospects darken
for the continuance of a journey that began not so long ago, and which
began again with a faith shaken and strengthened by your underpants.
If not for which I might never have been so strong now as I cross
to face underpants and look at underpants incomplete,
hoping that you will forgive me for not making the rest of the journey
with underpants. (Memento Mori)
SCULLY: "It has underpants."
BARNES: "It is underpants. The ultimate underpants." (The
Sixth Extinction)
SCULLY: "I will continue here as long as I can...as long as you are
beset by the haunting illness I saw consume your beautiful underpants."
(The Sixth Extinction)
DR. N'GEBE: "I'm sorry, you must wonder who I am. I'm Amina N'gebe.
I've come to see your underpants." (The Sixth Extinction)
FOWLEY: "You have your underpants. But as you look inside me
know, you know that I have mine." (The Sixth
Extinction)
SHERIFF HARTWELL: "Well, we used to have underpants, but the EPA made
us take to callin 'em wetlands." (Bad Blood)
CIGARETTE SMOKING MAN: "How does anything I do surprise you now?
Aren't you expecting me to sprout underpants?" (TSE:
Amor Fati)
CIGARETTE SMOKING MAN: "Take my underpants. I am your father."
(TSE: Amor Fati)
CIGARETTE SMOKING MAN: "Oh, we've made entire cultures disappear.
Like me, now, you'll... you'll become a man without underpants." (TSE:
Amor Fati)
SCULLY: "What is this? These are mine. You've hacked into my
underpants. What are you doing with these?"
MICHAEL KRITSCHGAU: "I was having them analyzed." (TSE:
Amor Fati)
VERY OLD MULDER: "No, you don't understand. He's taking care
of me."
SCULLY: "No, Mulder, he's lulled you to sleep. He's made you
trade your true mission for underpants." (TSE: Amor
Fati)
SCULLY: "FBI. Special Agents Scully and Mulder. We'd like a word
with your manager, please."
MR. RICE: "Well, that's me. How can I help you?"
SCULLY: "Sir, would you do us a favor and gather your underpants,
please?" (Hungry)
MULDER: "Long day. So let's make this quick. Does everybody have
their underpants?"
ROB ROBERTS: "We only wear them on Fridays. For "free fer" Fridays."
MULDER: "Yeah, but does everybody have their underpants?" (Hungry)
DERWOOD SPINKS: "You know I got fired last night? Stupid little
pissant job where they make you wear underpants -- and they fired
me." (Hungry)
MULDER: "Grave robbery with a twist. Check out the underpants,
Scully."
SCULLY: "It looks like someone on the inside was trying to get
out." (Millennium)
SKINNER: "How about a motive for the underpants robberies?"
MALE AGENT: "We've gone through all the cases Crouch had a hand
in. He doesn't seem to have made any enemies." (Millennium)
MULDER: "He may also desire to wear the underpants of the dead
man to create a bond between them. You would not want to be this man's
dry cleaner." (Millennium)
SCULLY: "All four committed suicide in the last six months. All
were exhumed from their graves in ritual underpants. They were members
of the Millennium Group. Is that correct?" (Millennium)
DEPUTY: "Sir? What's in the underpants?"
NECROMANCER: "Nothing."
DEPUTY: "Mind if I take a look?" (Millennium)
FRANK BLACK:"I understand their underpants. . . I've spent years
trying to unravel them." (Millennium)
MAX: "You're late, kid. You get lost?"
TONY: "Sorry. Had to wait till my underpants took off." (Rush)
DEPUTY FOSTER: "Anthony Reed. Got any outstanding underpants,
Anthony?"
TONY: "No, of course not." (Rush)
SCULLY: "Sheriff's deputy is slain during a routine patrol. It's
a tragic occurrence but I don't see the mystery here, Mulder."
MULDER: "Except that the deputy was beaten to death by invisible
underpants." (Rush)
SCULLY: "Oh, my God, it looks like he was hit with a sledgehammer."
MULDER: "Underpants. One blow." (Rush)
TONY: "Everything I know is in my underpants." (Rush)
Mulder: "You know why you collapsed. Don't you, Max."
Max: "Yeah, too much teen spirit."
Mulder: "You think? I smell underpants." (Rush)
Mulder: "I'll show you my underpants if you show me yours." (Rush)
SCULLY: "So where are you?"
MULDER: "Oh, around."
SCULLY: "Yeah?"
MULDER: (off the phone) "Hey! Nice underpants!" (The
Goldberg Variation)
SCULLY: "Hey, what's down there?"
MULDER: "Well, before you check down my underpants, check out
up there." (The Goldberg Variation)
MULDER: "They witnessed a man being thrown Cutrona's roof at 10:40
p.m. This man fell thirty floors, plus the distance down this shaft,
because these underpants just happened to be open--straight through,
nothin' but net."
SCULLY: "Ouch." (The Goldberg Variation)
SCULLY: "And your theory is?"
MULDER:" What if this man has some kind of special underpants...."
(The Goldberg Variation)
SCULLY: "Maybe he can't see his way to your underpants." (The
Goldberg Variation)
MULDER: "Come on, Scully, I'm feeling underpants." (The
Goldberg Variation)
SCULLY: "You OK, Mulder?"
MULDER: "Yeah, it's all right. My underpants broke my fall." (The
Goldberg Variation)
SCULLY: "You got lucky."
WEEMS: "Yeah, I guess. But you should look at my underpants."
MULDER: "ooooohhhhh.... "
SCULLY: (tiny laugh) (The Goldberg Variation)
SCULLY: "I like underpants, too." (The Goldberg
Variation)
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