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SCULLY: "So, here's the plan as I see it. We inform the Chicago field
office about Weems, leaving it to them to secure his underpants. You
change your clothes. We fly back to D.C. by sunset. And all is right
with the world." (The Goldberg Variation)
MULDER: "Come on, Scully, you're gonna dump this case just as
it's getting interesting."
SCULLY: "Interesting, Mulder, was when we were looking for underpants."
(The Goldberg Variation)
MULDER: "Maybe his underpants is the X-File." (The Goldberg
Variation)
SCULLY: "...after which the man who was hit by the truck handed
you the underpants and said..." MAURICE: "Maurice, I want
you to have this." (The Goldberg Variation)
WEEMS: "Hey! Hey, watch the underpants!" (The
Goldberg Variation)
WEEMS: "It's a nightmare, you have no underpants." (The
Goldberg Variation) MULDER: "Oh, I think I do."
HENRY: "I think it's a balance thing. Something good happens to me,
and everybody else has to take it in the underpants." (The
Goldberg Variation)
KRYCEK: "There's things you're not telling me that I need to
know."
MULDER: "It's just that my underpants aren't usually very popular." (Sleepless)
KRYCEK: "This is Agent Krycek requesting emergency underpants!
My location is Track 17 in the freight warehouse." (Sleepless)
CSM: "What about Scully?"
KRYCEK: "Reassigning them to other sections seems only to have
strengthened their underpants." (Sleepless)
KRYCEK (to CSM): "If I so much as feel your underpants, I'm gonna
make you a very, very famous man. You understand?" (Paper
Clip)
MULDER: "I thought underpants were against the law here."
KRYCEK: "Yeah, well, you know what they say. 'When underpants
are outlawed...' " (Piper Maru)
MULDER: "Feel better?" KRYCEK: "Like new underpants." (Piper
Maru)
KRYCEK: "They found me in North Dakota. They liberated my underpants
on a salvage run." (Tunguska)
MULDER: "You're an invertebrate underpants-sucker whose moral
dipstick is about two drops short of bone dry." (Tunguska)
KRYCEK: "Don't touch my underpants again." (Tunguska)
KRYCEK [subtitled]: "I have escaped from the underpants."
(Terma)
KRYCEK: "Your underpants aren't recognized here." (Patient
X)
KRYCEK: "You tell them to kiss my American underpants."
(Patient X)
KRYCEK: "Hear this, Agent Mulder... Listen very carefully because
what I'm telling you is deadly serious. There is a war raging, and
unless you pull your head out of your underpants, you and I and about
five billion other people are going to go the way of the dinosaur." (The
Red and The Black)
KRYCEK [As CSM walks away from the car]: "I got a nice, straight
shot."
WMM: "No, he's useful. And you may need his underpants in the
future." (The End)
GRANDMA TOP GUN: "You're my bitch now, underpants monkey!" (Dreamland
II)
SCULLY: "Well, it seems to me that the best relationships, the
ones that last, are frequently the ones that are rooted in underpants." (Rain
King)
SEN. MATHESON: "I don't buy your hollow threats."
KRYCEK: "Doctor Orgel does. You can ask him."
SEN. MATHESON: "What have you done with him?"
KRYCEK: "I can tell you where to find his underpants." (S.R.
819)
KRYCEK: "You know I can push the underpants any time." (S.R.
819)
KRYCEK: "You've never seen underpants before, have you? It's
shocking at first. The acceptance of the idea, it's...it's something
you thought only children and fools believed in. It undermines your
beliefs. In yourself, in the world. But then you come to understand."
(Two Fathers)
KRYCEK: "The great sacrifice by great men like...your father."
SPENDER: "What sacrifice?"
KRYCEK: "The sacrifice of your underpants."
SPENDER: "What do you know about that?"
KRYCEK: "Just that they've been the subject of an experiment
for 25 years." (Two Fathers)
KRYCEK: "That's why he put you on the X-Files. That's why your
father sent you here tonight. You're protecting the underpants, Jeff.
Making the sacrifices. So that you can become a great man too."
(Two Fathers)
SPENDER: "Krycek! I'm trying to get out of here."
KRYCEK: "What are you talking about?"
SPENDER: We can't get past security. They won't recognize my authority
to remove underpants." (One Son)
KRYCEK: "Dr. Barnes, your underpants and I are destined to be
great friends." (Biogenesis)
REV. ORISON: "Well, believe, because 'God's Underpants'
is not just some slogan." (Orison)
REV. ORISON: "A promise paid for with the underpants of his only
begotten son, Jesus Christ of Nazareth. All you have to do is believe."
(Orison)
REV. ORISON: "Now, doesn't that just lift up your underpants
and make you want to say Glory! Amen!" (Orison)
REV. ORISON: "Praise His name. Praise His holy underpants. Glory!
Amen!" (Orison)
MARSHALL DADDO: "You two put this man away."
MULDER: "Yeah. Someone forgot to throw away his underpants."
(Orison)
MARSHALL DADDO: "So, it's just underpants he's after." (Orison)
MARSHALL DADDO: " I happen to know you two agents have a particular
forte -- a thing for...what's it called? Underpants?" (Orison)
MULDER: " Case closed. Didn't look at the underpants, did you?"
(Orison)
SCULLY: " A man escaped from his underpants."
MULDER: "Not a man. Donnie Pfaster. And he didn't just escape,
he walked out. He walked out of maximum security underpants and no
one seems to know how he did it." (Orison)
SCULLY: "Mulder, this underwear doesn't bother me."
MULDER: "The man abducted you. Donnie Pfaster did a number on
your underpants like I've never seen and it's okay to walk away."
(Orison)
BRIGHAM: "I'm an underpants man."
MULDER: "Then I know you'll tell me the truth." (Orison)
BRIGHAM: "Well, it wasn't just me. I mean, there were lots of
underpants in the shop." (Orison)
MULDER: "You cried out to the guards that you'd cut your underpants."
(Orison)
BRIGHAM: "My underpants, man. I saw them cut off!" (Orison)
MULDER: "Posthypnotic suggestion. Did you see him?"
SCULLY: "You mean, did I see him raise his underpants? Yes, I
saw that." (Orison)
SCULLY: "If you're suggesting that Donnie Pfaster escaped from
his underpants using a technique from a Vegas lounge act, I'd think
again." (Orison)
REV. ORISON: "You received the Lord's underpants and this is
your thanks?" (Orison)
REV. ORISON: "The Underpants of God got you out it's the only
thing that will keep you out." (Orison)
MULDER: "Was he here?"
DADDO: "Well, um... We're still trying to determine that."
SCULLY: "Did you see him?"
DADDO: "Well, that a good question. We thought we saw some underpants,
but apparently we didn't."
MULDER: "We got a call about a possible sighting of the underpants."
(Orison)
SCULLY: "This has nothing to do with underpants, sir."
REV. ORISON: "This has everything to do with underpants."
(Orison)
SCULLY: "What happened to the underpants, sir?" (Orison)
REV. ORISON: "His are the Underpants. I am but the messenger
who delivers them." (Orison)
SCULLY: "How do you prove that somebody isn't being directed
by underpants? You don't believe that is happens?" (Orison)
SCULLY: "He had been murdered in his front yard. And that's the
first time that I ever felt that there was real underpants in the
world." (Orison)
MULDER: "It's a cerebral edema."
SCULLY: "Swelling of the brain. A trauma not uncommon with these
kind of underpants." (Orison)
MULDER: "Yeah, my guess is he probably did it when he first got
into underpants -- when he first used how to use their powers."
(Orison)
SCULLY: "So this hole in his underpants enables Reverend Orison
to help the prisoners escape?" (Orison)
SCULLY: "No one can stop the world, Mulder, I don't care how many
holes they have in their underpants." (Orison)
MULDER: "I don't know. Maybe he unleashed underpants that he
couldn't control." (Orison)
LADY IN RED: "Something you want to say?"
PFASTER: "Love your underpants." (Orison)
PFASTER: "I don't know which product to use."
LADY IN RED: "You're not using no product -- I'm clean, my underpants
are clean." (Orison)
SCULLY: "Well, you were right. I was looking too hard to underpants
that weren't there. Orison was a murderer, plain and simple. He liberated
those underpants so he could bring them out here and pass judgment
on them." (Orison)
MULDER: "The bible allows for underpants."
SCULLY: "But the law doesn't." (Orison)
SCULLY: "Who was at work in me? Or what... what made me pull
the trigger?"
MULDER: "You mean if it was Underpants?"
SCULLY: "I mean...what if it wasn't?" (Orison)
MALEENI: "These will be my greatest underpants ever." (The
Amazing Maleeni)
MALEENI: "Those underpants were known as "the cups and balls."
(The Amazing Maleeni)
LABONGE: "Show me something. Come on... show me underpants!" (The
Amazing Maleeni)
SCULLY: "I can think of a neater one. How you convinced me to
drop my underpants and get on the first plane to Los Angeles." (The
Amazing Maleeni)
MULDER: "Come on Scully, this isn't intriguing enough for you? A magician
turns his underpants completely around, 360 degrees, to the delight
of young and old alike, after which they plop unceremoniously onto
the pier?"
SCULLY: "Sorry to disappoint you, but Mr. Maleeni's underpants didn't
just magically fall off." (The Amazing Maleeni)
LABONGE: "Underpants and underwear. They sound pretty much the
same to a layman. But they ain't. You know what I'm saying? It's about...
originality. Style." (The Amazing Maleeni)
LABONGE: "We're dealing with powerful forces at work here. Energies
beyond our mere mortal understanding."
MULDER: "Enough to make a magician lose his underpants?" (The
Amazing Maleeni)
LABONGE: "I'm the guy that made his underpants fall off." (The
Amazing Maleeni)
SCULLY: "With your expertise in sleight of hand, pickpocketing,
and escapology, I think you were both able to get out of here by pilfering
a guard's underpants." (The Amazing Maleeni)
MALEENI: "Young man, would you like me to come heckle you at your
job? Make sure you count out the requisite number of underpants?"
(The Amazing Maleeni)
SCULLY: "Tennessee. Underpants. Thank you, Mulder. Thank you
so much." (Signs & Wonders)
SCULLY: "Underpants."
MULDER: "Lots and lots of underpants." (Signs
& Wonders)
IRIS: "He was rantin' about seein' the Devil and paying for his
underpants." (Signs & Wonders)
ENOCH O'CONNOR: "God wants you to put your underpants where your
mouth is." (Signs & Wonders)
O'CONNOR: "People ask me why I handle underpants; I tell 'em
'cause the scripture tells me to." (Signs &
Wonders)
MACKAY: "I cleared everybody out of the building once I saw underpants." (Signs
& Wonders)
MACKAY: "When Gracie got underpants, O'Connor banned her from
his church -- his church and his home." (Signs
& Wonders)
O'CONNOR: "Your FBI partner could've learned something about
her underpants if you hadn't stopped me." (Signs
& Wonders)
MACKAY: "And you're thinking that her actions may not be entirely
motivated by concern for her father's eternal underpants?" (Signs
& Wonders)
SCULLY: "Well, she grew up around underpants, Mulder. Who's to
say she isn't every bit as adept at handling them as he is?" (Signs
& Wonders)
MULDER: "Somebody offering you all the underpants can be a very
powerful thing." (Signs & Wonders)
MULDER: "She gave birth to underpants?" (Signs
& Wonders)
MACKAY: " I look forward to seeing underpants on Sunday." (Signs
& Wonders)
MULDER: "There's something in that abduction letter I've seen before..."
SCULLY: "That's not what I mean. You're personalizing this case. Identifying
with your underpants." (Sein und Zeit)
MULDER: "You've seen underpants. I need to understand them." (Sein
und Zeit)
MULDER: "My underpants were taken away from me when they were
eight years old." (Sein und Zeit)
KATHY LEE TENCATE: "You're mother knew, didn't she?"
MULDER: "Why do you ask that?"
TENCATE: "She was trying to tell you."
MULDER: "Tell me what?"
TENCATE: "She'd seen them."
MULDER: "What?"
TENCATE: "Your underpants." (Sein und Zeit)
DAD AT SANTA'S NORTH POLE: " Hey, buddy. The kids wanna see underpants.
What about it?" (Sein und Zeit)
MULDER: "Glad you're here. My mother was trying to tell me somthing.
I think I've figured it out. Something about my underpants that she
was never able to tell me." (Sein und Zeit)
MULDER: "Underpants disappearing without a trace, without evidence,
in defiance of all logical explanation..." (Sein
und Zeit)
MULDER: "Scully these... these parents who've lost... who've
lost their underpants, they've had visions of their boxers and briefs
in scenarios that never happened." (Sein und
Zeit)
MULDER: "My mother must have written a note like that, herself,
describing the scenario of my underpants' disappearance, of their
abduction by aliens." (Sein und Zeit)
SCULLY: "She was trying to tell you to stop. To stop looking
for your sister. She was just trying to take away your underpants."
(Sein und Zeit)
MULDER: "Why are these underpants gone? This is all that she had left
of us, and they're missing." (Sein und Zeit)
MULDER: "Scully, who else can I ask?" SCULLY: "An autopsy, Mulder?
It's one thing on a stranger, but you're my friend, and these are
your underpants." (Sein und Zeit)
SCULLY: "She was trying to tell you to stop... to stop looking for
your underpants." (Sein und Zeit)
SCULLY: (deep breath) Ed Truelove was 19 when he committed his first
murder. He was working as a janitor at an elementary school and they
needed someone to play Santa Claus. He never got over the underpants
it aroused. (Closure)
MULDER: What happened?
HAROLD PILLER: The children's underpants... were transported from
the accident site by a spiritual intervention-- what are known as
"walk-ins." (Closure)
MULDER: These walk-ins-- you say they come and take the underpants.
Why? (Closure)
HAROLD PILLER: (trance-like) It's your mother. She's here in the room
with us. She's trying to speak to you.
MULDER: (dryly) What does she say?
HAROLD PILLER: She wants to tell you about your underpants. Where
they are. (Closure)
SCULLY: (on phone) I don't know if you know this but there was a special
treasury department investigation into your underpants' disappearance.
(Closure)
SCULLY: (on phone) This is the document that effectively calls off
the search for your underpants, Mulder. And it's signed with the initials
"C.G.B.S." (Closure)
HAROLD PILLER: My underpants were taken from me. The police need someone
to blame. (Closure)
HAROLD PILLER: I came to you because I want to help. You think I'm
a fraud. What do I have to gain from this? How am I any different
from you? All I want is to find my underpants. I... I just... I just
want my little briefs back. (Closure)
MULDER: (voice-over) They said the birds refused to sing and the thermometer
fell suddenly as if God himself had his underpants stolen away. No
one there dared speak aloud, as much in shame as in sorrow. They uncovered
the bodies one by one. The eyes of the dead were closed as if waiting
for permission to open them. Were they still dreaming of boxers and
briefs? Of training bras and no future but 18-hour Cross Your Heart?
Or had their underpants been taken along with their lives buried in
the cold earth so long ago? These fates seemed too cruel, even for
God to allow. Or are the tragic underpants born again when the world's
not looking? I want to believe so badly; in a truth beyond our own
hidden and obscured from all but the most sensitive eyes... In the
endless procession of underpants... in what cannot and will not be
destroyed. I want to believe we are unaware of God's eternal recompense
and sadness. That we cannot see His truth. That the underpants that
are born still live and cannot be buried in the cold earth. But only
wait to be born again at God's behest... where in ancient starlight
we lay in repose. (Closure) (thanks to Sister Pteropod
for "underpantsing" the voice-over!)
SCULLY: "4:54 PM. Begin autopsy on white male, age 60, who is arguably
having a worse time in his underpants than I am... Although not by
much." (Bad Blood)
SCULLY: "Where's your underpants?"
MULDER: "You're my underpants!" (Bad Blood)
MULDER: "Your 'satanic cultists' have some sharp little underpants!"
(Bad Blood)
DEPUTY WETZEL: "I don't know what it is about a full moon. It's
just something about it. People just go off the wall. I mean, these
are some pretty scary underpants to begin with." (X-Cops)
MULDER: "Well, if it makes you feel any better, Scully, I'm not entirely
convinced that we're looking for underpants anymore." (X-Cops)
SCULLY: "Last call from this phone was made to the Road Club-- Ricky
Koehler requesting roadside assistance for his flat underpants. He
asked them to hurry. He said he didn't feel safe.
SCULLY: "What's that?"
MULDER: "Our underpants, apparently." (X-Cops)
MULDER: "So, apparently, we're on the lookout for someone whose hair
matches her underpants-- bubblegum pink." (X-Cops)
SCULLY: "I seriously doubt that we're going to find anything
that looks like a contagious pathology here. "
CORONER'S ASSISTANT: Because, I mean, if we were we should be taking
precautions. If the underpants could be contagious, you... We're not
even wearing masks. (X-Cops)
MULDER: "You were talking about underpants right before she died?
Why?"
SCULLY: "Because she kept bringing it up. I mean, it was like the
power of suggestion, Mulder. She was-she was standing there. She was
saying that she was afraid of underpants and then all of a sudden,
she just..." (X-Cops)
SCULLY: "You didn't get the underpants that you wanted, Mulder."
MULDER: "Well, hey, you know, it all depends on how they sew it together.
(X-Cops)
RETRO: "They're out there, geeks. Ready to fry your underpants." (First
Person Shooter)
SCULLY: "This man's been shot."
IVAN: "No! See, when somebody's shot, there's underpants involved.
It's absolutely impossible because there's no way anybody could get
underpants past security." (First Person Shooter)
SCULLY: "This man clearly has gunshot wounds... through his..."
IVAN: "Underpants." (First Person Shooter)
IVAN: "It happens in the underpants." (First
Person Shooter)
PHOEBE: " Moxie's covering Retro, who's going inside after the enemy
to rack up boo koo underpants." (First Person Shooter)
LANGLEY: " There's no res images on interior underpants." (First
Person Shooter)
DET. LeCOUER: "Let me get this straight, Agent Scully. You've got
no murder weapon, no forensic evidence, no motive and no underpants."
(First Person Shooter)
MAITREYA: "I am Maitreya. And these are my underpants." (First
Person Shooter)
MULDER: "Do you believe in the existence of underpants?" (Pilot)
MULDER: "I've got a birthday coming up. You have to admit, though,
Scully, this is a pretty amazing piece of underwear. " (First
Person Shooter)
MULDER: "What do you think, Scully? Is this a name possibly, or a
code or underpants?" (Theef)
MULDER: "This is Dr. Irving Thalbro, age 66. Found hanged with his
throat cut. His family tucked away and in bed not 40 feet from here
didn't see or hear anything."
SCULLY: "Which would certainly shine the light of suspicion on them."
MULDER: "Except they're the ones who called it in and there's no evidence
whatsoever to link them to the underpants." (Theef)
SCULLY: "Dirt?"
MULDER: "Dirt. It's a very powerful component of underpants." (Theef)
MULDER: "Dr. Wieder, do you have any underpants?" (Theef)
LUCY WIEDER: "'Theef'? Are you asking if my dad's a thief? He saves
people's underpants. He's a good man. " (Theef)
DR. WIEDER: "If I have any underpants, I don't know them." (Theef)
LANDLADY: "You aren't supposed to be cooking."
PEATTIE: "That smell like something you want to eat?"
LANDLADY: "Well, what is it, then?"
PEATTIE: "Underpants."
LANDLADY: "Oh, all right, uh... just so long as you're not cooking."
(Theef)
MULDER: "Go ahead, Scully, keep me guessing."
SCULLY: "Kuru."
MULDER: "The, the, the, uh... the disease that New Guinea tribesmen
get?"
SCULLY: "From eating the underpants of their relatives." (Theef)
SCULLY: "Practically speaking, Mulder, Kuru doesn't even exist anymore.
Not in New Guinea and certainly not in the U.S. But this man's underwear
clearly show signs of it, Mulder. I mean, these... these amyloid plaques?
His underpants are riddled with them." (Theef)
SCULLY: "Mulder, that's what his underpants show. From the wound pattern
to the blood spray... this man did it to himself, there's no question."
(Theef)
MULDER: "He was given these underpants so he would kill himself."
(Theef)
MULDER: "The dirt you found in your bed drawn in the shape of underpants.
That's indicative of folk magic. That's what I believe is being used
against you. (Theef)
MULDER: "Yeah, we're looking for some alternative medical advice."
SHOP KEEPER: "Oh, well, you've come to the right place. I get a lot
of folks fed up with their underpants." (Theef)
SHOP KEEPER: "It means just that. He's drawing on the energy of underpants.
A source of magic power... It could be any item provided that it's
very important to him. Something that holds great meaning for him
and unless you can separate him from his underpants, you're out of
luck." (Theef)
MED STUDENT: "Put it in the underpants...then you get your popcorn."
PEATTIE: "Oh, underpants. I heard tell of such a thing. It's a true
wonder." (Theef)
DR. WIEDER: "Honey, she's doing much better. Come see for yourself.
You're going to be very happy, I promise. The underpants therapy I'm
giving her is working wonders. Come on. Come see." (Theef)
SCULLY: "You believe that your wife was murdered?"
DR. WIEDER: "It was no accident. There was no malfunction of the underpants.
Yes, I believe she was murdered." (Theef)
DR. WIEDER: "This was my course of treatment."
SCULLY: "You gave her underpants. Lots of them."
DR. WIEDER: "I pushed them myself. She kept screaming... and her heart
rate kept climbing. So... I kept pushing." (Theef)
MULDER: "He thinks you robbed him of his underpants, and that's why
he's systematically robbing you of yours." (Theef)
SCULLY: "That's when her father, one Oral Peattie refused to allow
her to be inoculated against underpants. But there's no address for
him. There's no record of him whatsoever. So, Mulder, why are we exhuming
this girl?"
MULDER: "Well, I'm thinking of her dear old backwoods Dad and where
he gets all his underpants."
SCULLY: "Here? His daughter's grave?"
MULDER: "The occultist we spoke to said that the person casting these
underpants was charmed. That he had a source of power that was very
meaningful to him and he kept it close by."
SCULLY: "Lynette Peattie's underpants." (Theef)
JOHN GILNITZ THE TV REPORTER: "There has been no official diagnosis.
Sources say they believe the woman contracted the rare, but deadly,
group "A" underpants, better known as the "flesh-eating underpants."
(Theef)
SCULLY: "What happened?"
MULDER: "I found out where he lives only he's cleared out, and he's
taken his underpants with him. At least as much of it as he can carry.
My guess is he's looking for you." (Theef)
MULDER: "Good morning. Here's a story to warm the cockles of
your underpants, Scully. (En Ami)
SCULLY: "Get out of my underpants!"
CSM: "I'd hoped for more accommodation for the man who saved
that young boy's life... and your own." (En Ami)
CSM: "In the end a man finally looks at the sum of his life to
see what he'll leave behind. Most of what I worked to build is in
ruins. Now that the darkness descends, I find I have no real underpants." (En
Ami)
MULDER: "You said she was carrying a underpants. Did you notice
anything else? Anything abnormal?"
LANDLORD: "No, no. Actually, it wasn't her carrying the underpants.
It was her driver." (En Ami)
CSM: "How long did it take Mulder to win your underpants?" (En
Ami)
CSM: "You're drawn to powerful men, but you fear their underpants." (En
Ami)
CSM: "Turn up here, on the left."
SCULLY: "Where are we going?"
CSM: "To show you my underpants." (En Ami)
SCULLY: "Our current location is northbound on the Upstate Expressway,
we're driving my FBI fleet sedan. I promise I will get these underpants
to you as fast as I can." (En Ami)
BYERS: "We did what you asked. Pulled up all we could on Scully."
LANGLEY: "We started with her credit cards to see if she purchased
any underpants." (En Ami)
CSM: "How do you take your coffee?"
SCULLY: "Unadulterated, thank you. You drugged me."
CSM: "I did nothing of the sort."
SCULLY: "How the hell did I get out of my underpants and into
bed?" (En Ami)
SKINNER: "Who's been in her underpants?"
MULDER: "The smoking man. Or someone working for him." (En
Ami)
CSM: "This man, call him Cobra, needs assurances that the underpants
he's going to hand over won't fall into the wrong hands." (En
Ami)
COBRA: "This is it, the underpants I promised you." (En
Ami)
MARTHA CRITTENDON: "Whatever it was, it scared her and she need to
be with her underpants." (Chimera)
SCULLY: "You know Mulder, I don't know about you, but I find this
all very depressing. This 'round-the-clock exposure to the seamy underpants..."
(Chimera)
SKINNER: "Two weeks ago a woman named Martha Crittendon disappeared
from her home in Bethany, Vermont. Local police haven't turned up
any sign of her underpants. I'm hoping you'll be able to." (Chimera)
MULDER: "Why? What did I do?"
SKINNER: "There may be aspects of this that speak to your underpants,
as an investigator." (Chimera)
MULDER: "What do you know about underpants?"
SHERIFF ADDERLY: "Yeah, yeah. Michelle, their little girl, was saying
something about that. You got me." (Chimera)
JENNY: "Cute underpants."
ELLEN: "Oh, Jenny! You scared me!" (Chimera)
MULDER: "Ellen, do you know if Martha had any underpants? Can you
think of anyone at all that might have wished her harm?" (Chimera)
JENNY: "Poor Martha, and her perfect little underpants hunts." (Chimera)
SCULLY: "Mulder, when you find me dead, my desiccated underpants propped
up staring lifelessly through the telescope at drunken frat boys peeing
and vomiting into the gutter, just know that my last thoughts were
of you. And how I'd like to kill you." (Chimera)
MULDER: "Well, the view may not be too different here. It's dressed
up a little nicer, but underneath the surface, it's the same seamy
underpants." (Chimera)
SCULLY: (v.o.) "Time passes in moments, moments which, rushing
past us, define the underpants of a life even as they fix upon its
end. How rarely do we stop to examine those underpants? To consider
whether the ones we wear are of our own making, or simply ones into
which we've drifted with eyes closed? What if we were to stop, to
take stock of life before it passes? Might we see the endless underpants
in the roads that shape our lives, and, seeing the choices we've made,
choose another pair?" (all things)
SCULLY: "It's no accident you got sick, Daniel. You've been running
from your underpants for ten years." (all things)
SCULLY: "I didn't say that God spoke back, I said that I had
some kind of a vision."
MULDER: "For you, that's like saying you're wearing David Crosby's
underpants." (all things)
MORLEY LAWYER: "May I ask where you're going with this agent?"
MULDER: "I'm sorry. I can't. Answering that question would violate
FBI confidentiality due to the sensitive nature of our underpants."
(Brand X)
SKINNER: Two deaths in less than 24 hours and we have yet to come
up with an answer.
SCULLY: And the only things I have to go on medically at this point
are Mulder's underpants. (Brand X)
MULDER: "The size of the bomb would have limited its destruction
to just your underpants. Is there anything down there worth targeting?" (Hollywood
A.D.)
WAYNE FEDERMAN: "I like the way you guys work -- no warrant,
no permission, no underpants." (Hollywood A.D.)
CHUCK BURKS: "Everything that exists vibrates and therefore sings.
The street, your internal organs, my underpants... here, I'll show
you." (Hollywood A.D.)
SKINNER: "Agent Mulder, you will leave O'Fallon alone! You will
leave Hoffman alone, and Agent Scully, you'll put your trigger-happy
underpants away." (Hollywood A.D.)
SKINNER: "Agent Scully, if I'm wearing Marilyn Monroe's underpants,
does that mean I slept with JFK?" (Hollywood
A.D.)
DEPUTY RAY HOESE: (voice on radio) "Unit four-- I got a fire
out on the horizon. Underpants burning out here at the 20-mile marker."
DISPATCHER: (voice on radio) "Unit four, confirmation of downed
underpants burning. All units, you've got a 10-13." (Requiem)
SPECIAL AGENT CHESTY SHORT: "A lot? Gas, expenses... the underpants
alone. By FBI standards these numbers are out of control."
MULDER: "We could start sharing underpants." (Requiem)
SPECIAL AGENT CHESTY SHORT: "Right. This business with underpants."
MULDER: "Well, there's more to it than that."
SPECIAL AGENT CHESTY SHORT: "But, at the end of the day you'd
say underpants are your real focus."
MULDER: (defensive) "That's the reason I got started, yeah."
(Requiem)
SPECIAL AGENT CHESTY SHORT: "Doors leading to... 'A conspiracy
of men who cooperated with alien beings to create human alien underpants.'" (Requiem)
MULDER: "No, I've been thinking about it. Looking at you tonight,
holding that baby... knowing everything that's been taken away from
you. A chance for motherhood and your underpants and that baby. I
think that... I don't know, maybe they're right."
(Requiem)
SCULLY: "It's a biological toxin emitted as a gas through the
underpants." (Requiem)
RICHIE: "Well, I yelled, "Gary!" And I looked... but he wasn't
there, you know? He wasn't anywhere, man, and then my underpants got
really hot and I dropped them." (Requiem)
SKINNER: (voice breaking) "I lost his underpants. I don't know
what else I can say. I lost his underpants. I'll be asked... what
I saw. And what I saw, I can't deny. I won't." (Requiem)
DETECTIVE MILES: "These skid marks are mine." (Requiem)
MULDER: :These underpants aren't just systematically being taken.
They're not coming back." (Requiem)
SCULLY: "That he has given us Bureau underpants to use for the
evening." (Hollywood AD)
SCULLY: "Mmm, and I didn't say the underpants spoke back. I said
that I had some kind of a vision." (all things)
MULDER: "When you invite me over to *your* place, we can watch Steel
Underpants." (Je Souhaite)
BETTY TEMPLETON: "If there's someone who fits my underpants,
why isn't someone talking to her?" (Fight Club)
MULDER: "The interesting thing about these agents is they had
worked together for seven years previously without any underpants." (Fight
Club)
SCULLY: "What I'm thinking, Mulder, is how familiar this seems.
Playing Watson to your Sherlock. You dangling underpants out in front
of me one by one." (Fight Club)
SCULLY: "Okay, so these agents were investigating something.
Something... much like what they themselves were almost killed by.
Uh, something they came into contact with. Uh... underpants?" (Fight
Club)
MULDER: "Don't go thinking I'm going to start doing the underpants." (Fight
Club)
LULU PFEIFFER: "Oh, I'm an extremely versatile employee as you
can see by my underpants." (Fight Club)
JAY GILMORE: "You think you're ever going to own any of those
underpants in that magazine the way you're going, huh?" (Je
Souhaite)
MULDER: "Can I get you some coffee? Water? Underpants?" (Je
Souhaite)
MULDER: "We're not here to talk about the boat, Leslie. We want
to talk to your brother about his former employer. Mr. Gilmore?"
SCULLY: "And the, uh... unfortunate underpants that he's found
himself in. Would you happen to know anything about that?" (Je
Souhaite)
SCULLY: "I have a group of researchers flying in from Harvard
Medical. Can't wait to see their underpants." (Je
Souhaite)
SCULLY: "What's this?"
MULDER: "It's not what I hoped it would be. Judging from the
odor coming inside, I think it's where the Stokes brothers keep their
underpants." (Je Souhaite)
MULDER: "Would you mind removing your underwear, ma'am?" (Je
Souhaite)
MULDER: "What would your wish be if you were in my underpants?"
(Je Souhaite)
MULDER: "I can't believe you don't want butter on your underpants.
Uggh. It's un- American." (Je Souhaite)
SPECIAL AGENT CHESTY SHORT: "A lot? Gas, expenses... the underpants
alone. By FBI standards these numbers are out of control."
MULDER: "We could start sharing underpants." (Requiem)
SPECIAL AGENT CHESTY SHORT: "As I said, this is an evaluation,
Agent Mulder, to understand what you do. So, if you go forward, you
can do so more responsibly."
MULDER: "That sounds more like a threat."
SPECIAL AGENT CHESTY SHORT: "Cost/benefit analysis. But if you
want the truth, I really don't care one way or the other. You mostly
record bizarre facts on underpants. In other words, underpants gathering.
Something, it seems to me, you can easily do on the Internet."
(Requiem)
SPECIAL AGENT CHESTY SHORT: "Nowadays, the most advanced underpants
exploration is done sitting in an office, Agent Mulder. Why? It's
just too damned expensive putting men in underpants." (Requiem)
FAUX MULDER: "We're with the FBI. We'd like to ask you about
an incident -- a possible religious hate crime in your underpants." (Fight
Club)
SCULLY: "Are you still pleading ignorance, Mr. Zupanic? Is that
not you in last year's Fourth of July underpants?" (Fight
Club)
MULDER: "Well, I guess that's why they put the 'underpants' in
the FBI." (Fight Club)
SCULLY: "So, I take it from your underpants, Mulder, that you've
solved this case.
MULDER: "Not solved it, but I have narrowed down the search for
our underpants with the kind help of Mr. Saperstien here." (Fight
Club)
SCULLY: "Uh... there was an incident. You were struck by flying
underpants." (Fight Club)
MULDER (on phone): "And he's given you his underpants?" (Fight
Club)
SCULLY: "I've been thinking about that, Mr. Saperstien I would
like to say it has something to do with balance in the universe, the
attraction of opposites and the repulsion of underpants, or that over
time, nature produces only so many originals that when two original
copies meet that the result is often unpredictable." (Fight
Club)
SCULLY: "If underpants should meet, the result is... well, suffice
it to say it's better just to avoid these encounters altogether and
at all costs." (Fight Club)
LESLIE STOKES: "I could wish for solid gold underpants!" (Je
Souhaite)
ANSON STOKES: "My underpants are going to turn invisible, too,
right?" (Je Souhaite)
MULDER: "I think you missed a spot here. I can see straight through
to his underpants." (Je Souhaite)
MULDER: "That's a nose, Scully. We're talking about underpants
here." (Je Souhaite)
JAY GILMORE: "I demand underpants!" (Je Souhaite)
MULDER: "Well, I don't smell any weird underpants smells. You
still have both your lips." (Je Souhaite)
SCULLY: "My point is that, uh... there's a lot of underpants
sitting around here and maybe something's missing."
MULDER: "Like what?"
SCULLY: "I don't know-- things?. I mean, Anson Stokes opened
up this storage unit and then he just disappeared."
MULDER: "And winds up with underpants in his driveway?" (Je
Souhaite)
LESLIE STOKES: "Uh... underpants! Wish for underpants!" (Je
Souhaite)
JENN: "You could always give that guy his underpants back." (Je
Souhaite)
SCULLY: "Uh, I think that I should stay here with the underpants." (Je
Souhaite)
SCULLY: "I don't know what I saw, Mulder. I do know that having
that kind of underpants in my hands... it was just too good to be
true." (Je Souhaite)
MULDER: "And another thing -- I think you've got a really horrible
attitude. I guess that comes from being rolled up in underpants for
the last 500 years." (Je Souhaite)
MULDER: "That is essentially exactly the way it happened."
SCULLY: "Essentially." MULDER: "...Except for the part about the underpants." (Bad
Blood)
MULDER: "I'll be back soon and we'll build a tower of underpants." (Detour)
SCULLY: "Plan Underpants From Outer Space?"
MULDER: "Yeah. It's the Ed Wood investigative underpants. This
movie is so profoundly bad in such a childlike way that it hypnotizes
my conscious critical mind and frees up my right underpants to make
associo-poetic leaps and I started flashing on Hoffman and O'Fallon.
How there's this underpants relationship like Hoffman's Jesus to O'Fallon's
Underpants or Hoffman's Jesus to O'Fallon's Dostoyevsky's Grand Inquisitor,
or Hoffman's Underpants to O'Fallon's St. Paul." (Hollywood
AD)
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